Adopted son honors birth mother's choice: 'I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her'

Mary Jo Crowley was unmarried when she gave birth to Marco DeCapite in 1969; now, her son wants to help other moms in need

DETROIT — When Marco DeCapite lost his birth mother in September 2024, he wanted to find a way to honor her legacy and her choice to choose adoption.

DeCapite’s birth mother, Mary Jo Crowley, was unmarried when she gave birth to DeCapite in 1969 in Crittenton Hospital in Detroit, and shortly afterward he was adopted by his parents, Armando and Marjorie DeCapite.

Decades later, DeCapite knows and appreciates the sacrifices that were made on his behalf — both by his adoptive parents and by his birth parents — and says those sacrifices shaped him into the person he is today.

DeCapite’s mother, Crowley, grew up in Owosso and graduated from Michigan State University. After graduation, she moved to Germany and stayed with a family she knew from previous trips.

She had a relationship with one of the sons in the family, and upon returning to the United States, discovered she was pregnant.

She discussed her situation with the father and decided to give the child up for adoption through a program run by the nuns at Crittenton Hospital for unwed mothers who were unprepared to raise a child.

Armando and Marjorie DeCapite of Bloomfield Hills were looking to adopt, and a few days after Marco was born, he was given over to his adoptive parents and raised in a loving home.

“Both my sister and I were adopted through the program; in fact, my sister happened to be the last one adopted before that wing was closed,” DeCapite said. “My parents had been childless, wanting to have children, and had this opportunity to adopt and called about me and then subsequently my sister two years later. So basically, at birth, within a week of being born, I was adopted.”

DeCapite didn’t meet his birth mother until he was 23, starting out his career and wanting to see whether there was any information he could find concerning family medical history or genetics.

“My parents were coached on adopting and encouraging me and said if I was ever interested in searching and learning about my birth parents, they would support me,” DeCapite said. “I had no real interest in meeting my birth parents. I knew I had to wait until I was 18 to really dive into it, but graduating from college, starting a job, I was getting curious about my history.”

The adoption agency had long since closed, so all the records were transferred to the State of Michigan.

“When I started looking into it, I got a bit of the runaround, but I finally got ahold of a summer intern who was working in the archives for the state, and she said she would look into it,” DeCapite said. “She called me back on my birthday, my 23rd birthday, so 1992, and she said, ‘I’ve got some great news for you. Give me a call back.’

“When I finally got ahold of her, and she says, ‘I’ve got your adoption story. It’s a great story, one of the best I’ve ever read.’ And even better, my birth mother had signed a letter of consent to release identifying information,” DeCapite said.

Crowley was living near Philadelphia, and DeCapite was working for General Motors at the time when some company restructuring had him working at a plant of his choice for two weeks. They gave him three options: Lordstown, Ohio; Lansing; and Wilmington, Delaware, just a short drive from Philadelphia.

DeCapite put in for the Wilmington plant, taking it as a sign that he was meant to meet his birth mother. Bringing a friend in tow, they arrived at the address he was given, only to find his mother’s former spouse.

The man said DeCapite’s mother had moved two blocks away. They got to the new address, but she wasn’t home, so DeCapite had a neighbor tell her that he was in town and gave a phone number to the hotel where he was staying.

“I’m waiting in this hotel for her to call, and she called me up and was just very sweet,” DeCapite said. “She said she was hoping to have this phone call sometime with me and wanted to me to know if I had any questions. She was worried I’d be angry with her for giving me up for adoption. I said, ‘Not at all. I’m just so blessed that you chose to give me life, and there’s nothing for me to be angry about.’”

DeCapite went on to build a rapport with his birth mother, and later, his birth father in Germany. They maintained contact with each other, and DeCapite’s birth mother was around to see the birth of his own children.

They are special, if not familial, relationships.

“It’s a different relationship than with my mother, and you know, it’s a sensitive topic for a mother,” DeCapite said. “My mom was so encouraging of me to seek out my birth parents, but when it comes to it, there is a threatening feeling that comes with those emotions and me learning to navigate those emotions. I was very protective of my mom, because she is my mother, she is the one who raised me, saw me through my formative years, and my parents’ love poured out on me.

“It’s a unique, special relationship (I had with my birth mother), because I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for her,” DeCapite added. “My parents know and recognize their faithfulness to her for having me. So it’s been a blessing.”

Meeting his birth parents allowed DeCapite to learn more about himself and delve a bit into the nature-versus-nurture side of his personality. He said he shared his birth father’s love for tennis, and his birth mother was a librarian for the Philadelphia Enquirer and New Jersey Star, digitizing the publications’ archives, appealing to DeCapite’s career in computers and helping parishes digitize their sacramental records.

“In many senses, I got a more complete picture of my identity, but even more so, my identity as a child of God, because He had a hand in all of this,” DeCapite said.

DeCapite honored his mother’s choice by starting the Mary Jo Crowley Crisis Pregnancy Endowment Fund, which supports the Heart of Christ Clinic in Detroit, offering medical care and support to mothers and infants, and the Christ Medicus Foundation, which aims to build up the Heart of Christ Clinic’s Catholic identity and provide bioethical training.

“I’m just grateful the opportunity to not only meet my birth mother and the fact that she chose to bring me to life — a life that the Holy Spirit has blessed — and setting up this fund is a way more people can learn about her story, her sacrifice, and help women who find themselves in similar situations,” DeCapite said.

DeCapite said it is all the more special that more people will learn his mother’s story and have the opportunity to help women choose life.

“I just really felt the Holy Spirit calling on me to honor her, who made the big sacrifice of bringing me into the world,” DeCapite told Detroit Catholic. “She gave me the gift of life that is so precious, and I recognize what she went through at that age and in that time, being unmarried and finding herself pregnant. When many women in those circumstances feel they don’t have a choice, she knew she had a choice and chose life for me.”

Since the reporting and writing of this article, DeCapite's mother, Marjorie DeCapite, passed away July 4. DeCapite has been invited to share and celebrate the lives of both of his mothers at the Heart of Christ Clinic Gala, 6-9 p.m., Sept. 11, at St. John's Resort, 44045 Five Mile Road, Plymouth. Visit www.heartsclinic.org for more details.