Reflective evenings, geared generally toward women, offer peace amid holiday chaos

Metro Detroit — Despite the best intentions, preparing for the holidays can sometimes be more stressful than enjoyable.

Local parishes have realized this, and tapped into the tradition of “Advent by Candlelight” — a time to step away from the chaos, incorporating fellowship, prayer, homemade desserts and the chance to reflect on the short season of Advent.

The structure varies, but generally, women of the parish are invited to sign up as hostess for a table, giving her the responsibility of inviting friends to fill her table. She decorates the table with Advent or Christmas-themed items — including candles — and usually bakes some sweet treats to share.

Annette Sebestin, pastoral associate and director of communications at St. Vincent Pallotti Parish, Wyandotte, said her parish calls their Advent gathering for women the “Advent Candlelight Tea.”



“It is basically a time for the ladies of the parish to get together to create an awareness of what this season is all about, and to be more enlightened and educated” about Advent, Sebestin said.

While some Advent by Candlelight gatherings are women-only, Sebestin said men are not excluded — one woman brought her husband last year, she said. It’s also a chance to expand beyond the boundaries of the parish, she added, and invite other local women to join the gathering.

Sebestin said the lighting of the many candles “represents the light of Jesus in our hearts,” and described the warmly candlelit setting as “very intimate.”

At St. Vincent, the tradition allows individuals to attend as guests and be assigned to a random table, where he or she can socialize with fellow attendees. Sebestin said this year, some IHM religious sisters came and hosted a table.

After the participants have had a chance to enter and get situated, their pastor, Fr. Michael Cremin, SAC, opens the event with prayers. Cookies and tea are served, some carols are sung, and everyone is welcome to get up and sit at other tables to socialize.

And, some fun traditions have grown out of the parish’s diverse area, Sebestin said: “People tend to bring in specialties,” she said, such as a Polish-themed table and an Italian-themed table.

Betty Haran, who with Lynn Llenhardt helps organize Advent by Candlelight at St. Daniel Parish in Clarkston, said they also work with many faithful volunteers to make the annual gathering a success.

Their Advent by Candlelight started in 1996, when a few moms who transitioned from another parish brought the tradition with them.

“Theirs was a fundraiser,” explained Haran, adding that it has evolved into a more spiritually-oriented event today, though they still collect items for charity, such as diapers for a baby clinic.

Parishioners “bring the most wonderful desserts and hors d’oeuvres,” Haran said. Depending on the year, events have seen musicians, storytellers, and witness talks from parishioners.

“Every table has an Advent wreath,” Haran said. “You stay with the colors of Advent because it’s a time of reflection as opposed to a time of festivity.”

Some events feature a Vespers-style prayer time, with half of the room reading half of the psalm, and the other half reading the other. This year, the event included praying the rosary.

All of the tables, regardless of decorations or style, “have all been wonderful and slightly different,” she added.

“Some gals bring out fine crystal and Lennox; some bring in colored paper plates and say ‘It’s pretty just the way it is,’” she said.

Elaine Woods, who helps organize Advent by Candlelight at the Diocese of Lansing’s St. Mary Magdalen Parish in Brighton, said theirs is always held the first Saturday of Advent.

The candlelit gatherings have included plays, dramatists, special speakers and readings, varying each year, and while the hostesses’ decorated tables vary as well, “each table is a decorated masterpiece.”

“It’s a community coming together to celebrate Christ coming in our midst,” she said. “At the end of the evening, everyone leaves in a joyful mood, some having made new friends, remembering the reason for Advent, Christ coming among us.”