Married couples rediscover, strengthen shared vocation during Together in Holiness conference at St. James Parish in Novi
NOVI — In a world of constant noise and distraction, 75 Catholic couples were invited to pause, listen, and rediscover the sacred call to holiness within marriage during this year’s Together in Holiness conference, held Oct. 11 at St. James Parish in Novi.
The daylong gathering, presented by the St. John Paul II Foundation in collaboration with the Archdiocese of Detroit, brought together couples for prayer, fellowship, and formation centered on God’s design for marriage and family life.
The conference opened with Mass celebrated by Detroit Auxiliary Bishop Jeffrey M. Monforton, who reminded attendees that holiness begins with attentiveness to God’s voice.
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Reflecting on the Gospel reading and the gift of the Eucharist, Bishop Monforton said holiness is found not in external expressions of faith, but in a profound encounter with the living Christ. “At every Mass, heaven meets earth,” he said. “The Eucharist reminds us where our true citizenship lies.”
He asked couples to take inspiration from Mary’s example of trust in God, saying, “Let it be done to me according to your word.”
The first keynote speaker, Mallory Smyth of Walking with Purpose, which offers Bible studies for women, invited couples to see God as a loving Father who desires relationship, not performance. Too often, she said, people project their own wounds or experiences with earthly fathers onto God.
“God is not distant or angry,” Smyth said. “He knows our brokenness and sent His Son to redeem it.”
She encouraged couples to reframe their vision of marriage away from self-satisfaction toward self-gift, using St. Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 13 as a spiritual mirror. Smyth asked participants to replace the word “love” with their own names — “Mallory is patient, Mallory is kind” — to reveal areas for growth.
“Holiness in marriage means learning to love your spouse in their uniqueness, even when they don’t meet your expectations,” Smyth said. “That’s how we reflect the love of God.”
Between sessions, Paul Roleau introduced the Together in Holiness Formation Series, a small-group initiative helping young married couples and parents of young children deepen their faith and build community.
The program, offered across parishes in the Archdiocese of Detroit, gathers couples in homes to share meals, prayer, and discussion on Catholic marriage.
In the afternoon, Dr. Tim and Karen Hogan, a psychologist and spiritual director from Plymouth, explored how spiritual life and neurobiology intersect in healthy marriages.
The Hogans drew from both Scripture and modern relationship research, noting that emotional regulation and empathy are essential for love to flourish.
“To love well, we have to learn to calm our own nervous systems and help regulate each other’s,” Dr. Tim Hogan said.
Karen Hogan led attendees in a guided imagery exercise, inviting them to bring past hurts before God and experience His healing presence. “God meets us in our bodies, in our emotions,” she said. “He wants to restore peace there.”
They also reflected on the modern obstacles to connection, particularly the dominance of screens. Citing studies that show average daily phone use exceeding five hours, they warned of a decline in empathy and face-to-face engagement.
“Nonverbal communication carries most of what we express in love,” Dr. Hogan said. “When our eyes are on screens, our hearts can’t see each other.”
To help couples reconnect, the Hogans introduced the Daily Examen, a prayer practice from St. Ignatius of Loyola, as a tool to notice God’s presence in daily life. By reviewing the day in gratitude and love, they said, couples can strengthen both emotional and spiritual awareness.
“Turn toward each other, not away,” Karen urged. “Even a smile can be an act of grace.”
Couples were then invited to bring what they learned into their homes, to pray together, confess shortcomings, and practice small, consistent acts of love.
Couples interested in learning more about the Together in Holiness movement or Formation Series can visit forlifeandfamily.org or contact their parish for local group information.
