This is the sixth in a six-part series in The Michigan Catholic highlighting the impact of Pope Francis on various aspects of Catholic life and ministry. For others in the series, visit the links below.
Pope Francis raises the Book of the Gospels as he celebrates the Easter Vigil in St. Peter's Basilica at the Vatican April 19. (CNS photo | Paul Haring)Detroit — It goes without saying that divorced Catholics often face a stigma. It’s a situation that has attracted the attention of Pope Francis, who later this year will lead a special Synod of Bishops on the family that is expected to focus largely on issues pertaining to the pain of those who have suffered divorce, and what the Church can do about it.
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And while the pope’s focus has magnified the issue in the minds of many Catholics, those in Metro Detroit are already stepping up to offer encouragement and support.
“I was divorced myself about two and a half years ago,” said Kelly Conway. “It was very difficult and you get a lot of feelings of guilt, shame … and I think when you’re Catholic especially, you feel like you’re not a good Catholic, (that) you’ve done something wrong.”
But Conway, who helps lead divorce recovery workshops with Bethany of Southeastern Michigan, a ministry of the Family Life Office of the Archdiocese of Detroit, wants Catholics in this situation to know that hope and healing can be found.
Bethany workshops are open to all Christians and provide spiritual and social support for divorced and separated individuals through peers who have been through the same experience.
When someone is married, Conway said, most or all of their friends are married and “you’re not aware that there’s a different world.”
The transition from married to single can be eased not only through Bethany’s spiritual guidance, but also through social activities such as euchre parties, game nights, dances or going out to dinner.
“We’re not counselors,” said Conway, “just caring, trained people who have been through a divorce and who want to help others.”
A crucial ministry
Andrea Foley, director of behavior health with Catholic Charities of Southeast Michigan (CCSEM), said the organization provides counseling for couples who are contemplating divorce, as well as counseling for those who have already gone through one.
“We have clinicians on staff who understand the sacrament (of marriage) and what this means to (the clients) as people of faith,” Foley said.
She explained that usually, people who come to CCSEM for marriage counseling have already worked with their parish priest “and now it’s a lot more serious.”
“It’s a very painful place to be,” she said. “Marriage is one of the central things in the Catholic community that we do. You become identified as a married person.”
But when people are having serious problems in their marriage, “there are lots of fears there.”
When a loved one is contemplating divorce, many people often try to push the couple in one direction or another, Foley said.
“Often we need to just listen and be more supportive of them: pray for them and pray with them,” she said.
And when it comes to children who are caught up in their parents’ hurting marriage, Foley said that “you always want to provide them with a sense of safety; that they have support on both sides of their families; that they’re never in a situation that they have to choose between parents.”
The question of annulments
Msgr. Ronald Browne, director of the Metropolitan Tribunal of the Archdiocese of Detroit under the leadership of judicial vicar, Auxiliary Bishop Francis Reiss, said there are many misconceptions about divorce and annulments.
One of the biggest misconceptions — that a divorced person is excommunicated — is incorrect, he said.
“Divorce does not mean that a person is excommunicated,” Msgr. Browne said. “The issue is divorce and then remarriage outside the Catholic Church.”
Msgr. Browne explained that the bond of a valid Catholic marriage is indissoluble, and so a court-provided divorce does not influence the marriage bond: the couple remains married.
“Civil courts are not looking to see if marriage was valid in the eyes of God,” he said, adding that annulments come in when individuals wish to determine that the marriage was never valid — that is, it never existed in the first place — because of various factors that might have existed at the marriage’s beginning.
This often raises the concern that the children born of the annulled marriage might be illegitimate, but Msgr. Browne said even though the marriage has been declared “null,” it is considered a “putative marriage,” since the good intention of the parties was present at the wedding. Therefore, the children remain legitimate.
Msgr. Browne said individuals who are divorced and civilly remarried to someone else without an annulment should refrain from receiving Holy Communion because of the “objective state of sin” such a situation presents, and should seek to rectify their irregular marital status with the Church’s guidance.
While the October synod is expected to address the issue of divorced and civilly remarried Catholics from a pastoral standpoint, including the reception of Holy Communion, the prefect of the Vatican’s Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, Cardinal Gerhard Muller, has said any change in the Church’s approach cannot change doctrine and that changes in pastoral approach “must deepen knowledge” of the Church’s understanding of marriage.
These Catholics still should attend Mass with the rest of the faithful, however, Msgr. Browne said — there is nothing preventing them from this aspect.
He added that tribunals were set up to help the healing process after a marriage breaks down: “The annulment process is also ‘let’s help heal you,’” he said.
Pro-family
Foley sees Pope Francis as “the pope for my organization.”
“I think Pope Francis is a ‘social worker,’” she said.
Foley said the Catholic Church, in the footsteps of Pope Francis, needs to be a model of support for all families; that it’s “not enough to just talk about it, you need to get out and act.”
She explained that today’s world needs more guidance on how to help keep family values more focused, in a way that is more inviting and loving. She said Pope Francis is helping to accomplish this enormous task.
“He’s pro-family, which also means that we help families that are struggling, that we don’t turn our backs on them even if they’re not making the right decisions — that’s when they need the Church the most,” she said.
Help for marriages and families
Metro Detroit has a variety of resources to assist families experiencing the pain, loss and disruption of separation and/or divorce.
• More information on the Catholic Church, divorce and annulments can be found at www.aod.org/annulment.
• Catholic Charities of Southeast Michigan serves six counties and can be reached at 1-855-882-2736, [email protected] or www.facebook.com/CCSEM.
• Bethany of Southeastern Michigan offers support groups for divorced and/or separated Catholics throughout the archdiocesan area. Visit their website at www.bethanyofsoutheasternmichigan.org for more information; to attend an upcoming workshop call (586) 909-7574.
• Beginning Experience serves widowed, separated, divorced individuals and their family members in weekend retreat settings. Visit www.beginningexperience.org to find out more about upcoming weekend programs, or email [email protected].
• Support for marriage and family life can be accessed via the archdiocesan Marriage and Family Ministry at wwww.aod.org/marriage, (313) 237-5894 or [email protected].
