Gratefulness and entitlement are enemies. Thankfully duty and grace aren’t. Two of my favorite Catholic authors are Thomas Merton and Archbishop Fulton Sheen. Both have great wisdom and both do a great job of imparting that to the reader. However, they both approach spirituality differently. One largely preaches duty, while the other preaches grace.

• “If you do not worship God, you worship something; and nine times out of 10 it will be yourself.” Fulton Sheen, duty.


• “The grateful person knows that God is good … and that makes all the difference.” Thomas Merton, grace.

I think a healthy spirituality requires both. It’s the same with parenting. I’ve learned a lot about parenting from others. I’ve also made my share of mistakes. One thing’s for sure, though; balance is important. My wife and I expect certain things from our kids — but we love them even when they don’t fulfill those expectations.

I’ve noticed when my kids wander toward a sense of entitlement, the outcome usually isn’t good. This happens sometimes when we go shopping. “Mom, can I have this? Mom, can I have that?” My wife usually answers with, “How much money did you bring?” At which time my daughters sometimes reply: “But I thought you were just going to get us something.”

That same sense of entitlement — in fact, self-righteousness — has found its way into our culture, and our media. Look no further than Baltimore and the “protests” occurring pursuant to the death of Freddy Gray while in police custody. Now, six officers have been charged in his death. As a retired officer, I’ll be the first to admit if a policy was violated or a criminal offense committed, officers should be held responsible. I just hope those charges are based upon fact, not damage control. I’ll also go out on a limb and say this: few of the people who were looting, rioting and destroying actually care about the man who died. Rather, what we’re seeing is a reflection of the entitlement mentality that’s been foisted on them by the media. This sense has even been exacerbated — albeit taken out of context — by the Baltimore official who announced the importance of allowing people a “destroy zone” so they can “express” themselves. Really? Express themselves?

About the time I was ready to “express myself” by throwing my remote into the trash can, I witnessed a small glimmer of hope: a mother who had the courage to slap her son silly when she found him in the middle of the carnage, perpetrating the same destruction, over concern for Mr. Gray’s death. Apparently she didn’t see the importance of letting him “express” himself in that way.

I’m willing to bet there were other parents who did the same — problem is they didn’t get the media attention. We hear about “tolerance” constantly these days. Maybe the key word should be “intolerance.” If more parents practiced the latter regarding their children’s shenanigans, Baltimore might be in one piece.

When did self-expression become the amulet for which we strive? There’s a sign hanging in my daughter’s Catholic school that says: “Self-expression is good. Self-control is better.” I couldn’t agree more.

And as long as we’re on the subject, maybe we can talk about Bruce Jenner. I’ve always admired him — not because of his sexuality, but because of what he accomplished as a person. Today our culture loves to snapshot people based solely on who they are externally. When Mr. Jenner expressed interest in becoming a woman, know what the headline on Huffington Post was? “Bruce Jenner’s amazing journey.” Amazing? Really? Once again, the media has perpetrated their own righteousness to show us how “tolerant” they are of Jenner’s decision. Archbishop Sheen, what was that you said?

I try to teach my own kids that Jesus calls us to love people where they are, as they are. We can’t qualify them before we love them. What Jesus doesn’t teach us to do is to turn someone’s mental confusion or illness into a three-ring circus. If we believe God’s will is implicit in who we are as man and woman, how can we then champion someone’s decision to thwart that? We can and should show everyone respect and dignity — like God does to us when we “miss the mark.” But let’s not pretend that everyone’s decision “hits the mark” out of a sanctimonious concern that we’ll offend them.

Entitlement and thankfulness. We fluctuate between them as humans. But we can find our way to them through grace and duty. And when we do, we needn’t be afraid to speak the truth in love. To do anything less is to sell ourselves short. And Lord knows the media already does that.

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Paul Stuligross teaches theology at Livonia Ladywood High School and is a former police officer.