Memorial Mass at Detroit's cathedral helps families honor, remember and pray for children lost during pregnancy or infancy
DETROIT — On Oct. 25, the final Sunday of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month, couples and families from across the Archdiocese of Detroit gathered for a special Mass remembering children lost through miscarriage, stillbirth or in early childhood at the Cathedral of the Most Blessed Sacrament.
The annual Mass with Prayers for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month served as an opportunity to provide comfort and support to grieving families, to remember and honor the children they have lost and to offer blessing and prayers for hopes of conceiving in the future.
Upon arriving at the cathedral, couples who had experienced a loss received a rosary, and couples hoping to conceive were given medals and prayer cards of St. Gerard of Majella, the patron saint of expectant mothers.
Families were also welcome, if desired, to write their children's names in the Book of Innocents for remembrance. The Book of Innocents remains permanently in the cathedral's narthex, and the names inscribed are prayed for every month and included in All Souls Day liturgies.
In his homily, Fr. J.J. Mech, rector of the Cathedral of the Most Blessed Sacrament, shared about his mother's experience with the loss of three children.
"When a child dies, it often seems like the world continues to move on like nothing happened, but the family's world is changed forever," Fr. Mech said. "God does not ask us to pretend we're not hurting to prove that we're faithful. We all have questions — we can love God and wonder why something horrific has happened. We can trust Him, and still struggle to understand."
Fr. Mech referenced the psalms and the multitude of questions the psalmist asks of God, and reminded the congregation of Jesus's own weeping at the death of Lazarus and in the Garden of Gethsemane. In all this, Fr. Mech continued, the promise that God makes is that suffering is not weathered alone.
The day's Gospel centered on the greatest laws: to love the Lord and to love one's neighbor as oneself. Drawing on this, Fr. Mech acknowledged that often, in attempts to be helpful and show love, people can mishandle the specific kind of grief that accompanies the loss of a child. Often, words extended with the intention of being comforting can leave families feeling as though their grief is misunderstood.
"Love does not require us to explain another person's suffering. Love asks us to accompany them through it," Fr. Mech continued. "Sometimes, the most helpful words are simply, 'I am so sorry,' and, 'I can be here for you.'"
Following the homily, a special blessing was offered over couples who had experienced a miscarriage or lost an infant, and the names of their children were read aloud to be remembered in prayer. Couples hoping to conceive were also prayed over, invoking the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary and St. Gerard of Majella. At the conclusion of Mass, the relic of St. Gerard was made available for veneration.
The Mass, prayers and homily were especially helpful for Andrew and Michelle Nalepa of St. Mary Parish in Royal Oak, who attended the special service for the first time this year.
"I was impressed with how sensitive the Mass was," Andrew Nalepa told Detroit Catholic. "Most people handle this kind of grief poorly, and we really appreciated that the Mass was very respectful."
Michelle Nalepa agreed, adding that Fr. Mech's sharing his family's experience with infant loss helped provide comfort and support.
The Archdiocese of Detroit's office for marriage and family life began offering this Mass in response to conversations with parishioners and parish leaders unsure how to handle this particular kind of grief.
"People often aren't really sure how to accompany a couple or family experiencing this kind of loss," Brooke Warren, associate director for family ministry for the Archdiocese of Detroit, told Detroit Catholic. "We want families to know that they're not alone."
Warren emphasized the importance of the Church's care being made known to families who experience the loss of a child.
"The Church cares, and the Lord is with these families every step of the way," Warren said. "We hope that those who attend the Mass may find some ounce of peace or healing."
